Our culture has become increasingly polarized politically and I believe this polarization is crossing over into other choices we make for our families. This polarization, gives parents the sense that they need to defend their choices: full-time mom vs. working mom; public school vs. private school vs. homeschool; spanking vs. no spanking. We make these important decisions for our family and we want to think we made the righteous and best choice. As Rachel Held Evans says in her book Biblical Womanhood, “I guess we’re all a little afraid that if God’s presence is there, it cannot be here.” At the end of the day, we all want what is best for our children. My family has chosen to homeschool because it is what works best for us.
We first chose to homeschool for academic and emotional reasons. Our daughter was in public school and had been moved up two grade levels. And even with the advanced grade and gifted classes, we still felt like her needs were not being met academically and certainly not emotionally. That was fifteen years ago and our reasons for homeschooling have deepened and grown. These are some of the reasons homeschooling works for our family:
1. Academics- The best reason I have for homeschooling is that I get to be the architect of my children’s education. One of the benefits of homeschooling is teaching children at their level and focusing on their interests. My oldest daughter loved to read. She began reading Shakespeare at 11. I have another daughter that struggled with reading. I was able to design curriculum around their individual needs. If my children show an interest in a particular topic, we take time to study it. I believe this helps to instill a love of life-long learning. There are no state tests or Common Core telling us what to study and yet, my kids do very well on national standardized tests that they are given each year. I get to choose the curriculum we use. I get to base that choice around their individual needs. My children are being taught one-on-one. That alone helps them exceed what they would be able to do in a classroom. My first two children began taking college classes at 13 and 15 respectively. We are simply able to do more academically in a shorter amount of time.
2. Socialization- I find it interesting that so many people claim socialization as a reason not to homeschool when in reality it is one of the major reasons we choose to homeschool. Who said that the proper place to socialize a child is by putting them in a 20 X 30 room with 20 of their same age peers, often from the same social-economic level, with one adult overseeing their interactions? My children get tons of social interactions with multiple aged people in different settings. We do field trips, soccer, ballet, gymnastics, church, youth, 4-H, community outreach, play dates and sleepovers. The beauty is that I am the guide of these social interactions. I often get to observe their interactions (especially when they are young), and I can help them maneuver through situations where they need to offer kindness or when they need to stand up to a bully. I can remove them from unhealthy situations and teach them how to interact with others, first hand. As they get older, they spend more time away from me but they have a foundation of appropriate social interactions.
3. Flexibility- Flexibility is one of the best reasons to homeschool. There is flexibility when we start and end the school year and flexibility when we start and finish our school day. There is flexibility in where we do school. We were able to go to Israel for a semester. We brought our books along, but what my kids learned being in Israel, traveling every day, certainly outweighed what they learned from books. We can spend our mornings at Disney, or do an entire school day at Epcot. We go to parks and museums when there are no crowds. One morning last week my kids begged to go swimming. It was 10:00 AM, but I let them and they spent three hours in the pool. I loved watching them have fun together. They had lunch, and finished their schoolwork in the afternoon. It was a great day!
4. Moral compass- The reasons I made the decision to sacrifice a second income and stay home with my kids when they were infants are a lot of the same reasons we choose to homeschool. I like my kids. They are smart, funny and delightful. I want to be the person that leads them, that teaches them the things that matter in this world. If we learn by example, I want to be that example. Faith, justice and mercy are very important to our family, and I want to share that with my children. I want to teach them about the love of God, family and the importance of helping the underprivileged and marginalized. I firmly believe that you assimilate to your surroundings. If a child spends at least half of their day, five days a week with others, whose values will they absorb into their lives? I don’t want to leave it to a teacher I don’t know and certainly don’t want to rest the training of the moral compass of my children on the shoulders of the kids in their classroom. I want to share my heart with my children, and I want to know what they are passionate about so that I can help them pursue that passion. I am not a pro, but have so far raised two teenage girls and they are amazing. I have beautiful relationships with both of them. They are respectful, they ask my advice, we talk, we laugh; we enjoy being together. They are strong, compassionate and confident ladies. They have missed a lot of the mess that so many other girls their ages have to struggle through. Peer pressure is real, and while my girls have had some peer pressure, the majority of their influence has been from their family, not friends. They do not spend their days trying to fit in and be accepted by others who are trying just as hard to fit in and be accepted.
After twenty-three years of parenting, I have come to realize that there is little black and white in the choices we make, but there is a lot of gray. And in that gray is a lot of room for grace, because God is in it all. God is with the mom that is at home with her children and with the mom working outside of the home. Homeschooling works for my family. For other families, public or private schools work best. As Rachel Held Evans also says, “be careful of challenging another woman’s choices, for you never know when she may be sitting at the feet of God.” We have the grace to make the decisions that work best for our families. There are multitudes of good choices to be made and multitudes of good reasons to make them. We need to offer grace to those who choose differently than us.